The Evils of the world

The sportsman has recently

given me an ultimatum. (I

totally do not blame him)

It’s either the married family

life or the single life.  I

need to choose. NOW!

(Just so you know I have

choosen the married life)

The sportsman is soooooo not down with,

anymore of my late nights out with the

“girl’s” bulltshit.  It’s just not gonna fly

anymore with him.

Once here and there is no big deal. Twice in a

month and rolling in at 3am, is unacceptable.

I used to say that fb was the devil, or place

blame on other areas for all of our marriage

problems.

When……………….

In all reality, it’s ME. I am to blame for the

 problems in my marriage.

 It’s my behavior that has caused most of our

problems. I fell off the wagon some time back.

 And have not made any attempt to get back on.

It is not anyone elses fault that I have been

running around acting like I am single.

But…………………………..

I was having soooooo much fun. Why the need to

 choose? Why did I allow him to force me into

getting married? When I really didn’t want to.

Its not that I want to be divorced now, but I

really do enjoy “MY” time out with the girls.

  I like the freedom. I hate to have to answer

 to anyone.

I know, I have been told that is very selfish.

I know that part of being married is doing

your part in the relationship.

 And I have not been.

I just feel like if I give up all the things

he wants me to, then I will lose the real ME.

So how much of yourself do you sacrifice to

make a relationship work?

I know I have a lot I could change and I could

be giving a lot more to our relationship.

I am trying to look at the big picture here.

You know, the long run.

I don’t want to be divorced .

or be back out in the dating market.

I know that for sure.

So there needs to be a happy medium. Right?

 Evidentially, I am not giving enough of the 50/50 in our relationship. Big surprise there.

Go ahead you can say I am fucking everything

up. I know that I am.

Don't think that I am not remosefull.I am. I

 hate that all that I have done has hurt the

sportsman. My actions weren't intentional. I

just got carried away.

But now, If I don’t seriously get my shit

together soon, I am gonna find myself alone.

and that is sooooooo NOT where I want to be.