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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Crazy Love

The ending of a decade, has brought thoughts of the past for me. Not necessarily with sadness or regrets, just mulling over addressing what has taken place went wrong. If you add the recent end of a decade, and my upcoming birthday, it’s no wonder that I’m in such a funk  right now.




I took this trip once to Nebraska, and not just any old part of Nebraska but a part that is way ,way over on the far side to a little town called Sidney (7hr drive).
Don’t you just love road trips in the summer time!


My reason for this trip was I followed a guy there and of course I went to attend the Oktoberfest they have every year. Which is a freakin awesome good time. I have never done this type of thing before. Following a guy. I am one of those ppl where men follow me!

My reasons behind it now really don't matter. I thought I was in love. How silly of me.
On this road trip I remember looking out the window while we were driving and thinking how amazing the world looked, and that I never wanted this trip to end.

The “guy” was amazing also, come on ppl why else would I have gone?  He was older than me, tall, with sexy tanned skin, beautiful thick dark brown hair, and very sexy eyes. So basically I was living in a dream during this trip. Not really facing reality. What would be the point?  Times like this don't come around very often in ones life.

I went on this trip knowing that something so amazing couldn’t possibly last forever. So I really enjoyed it to the fullest. Who wouldn’t have? I won’t give you any juicy details of all that went on, you will just have to take my word, that it was magical.

The hard part was at that point in my life I was young, but felt ancient compared to my real age, because I was divorced for the 2nd time and had to young kids. So I guess this trip was technically me running away as much as it was me following after someone.

Anyways I went on this trip, had the best time I could possible have. After returning from the trip there was a change, you know what one I’m talking about. I knew it was coming, because I had kids and couldn’t just travel at the drop of a hat. Knowing that things are getting ready to end in advance doesn’t however make your heart break any less. I was devastated, I didn’t understand why I was living this life, I didn’t think was supposed to be mine!!

I eventually got over it. I swore I would never ever get involved much less married again. For crying out loud, why would you keep making the same freakin mistakes over and over and over again? I am pretty sure I am just not the marrying type. So what the heck was I thinking, when I got married a 3rd time!!!!! That just screams, punish me, punish me!!!
I must be gluten for punishment.


Anyways, somewhere I have the pictures of that amazing trip, no matter how short lived the relationship, it will be forever sketched in my mind. I’m not really sure where the pictures are currently and maybe there is a reason for that. The past is the past! Right?

So did I learn anything from this? IDK. I guess.

I learned what it was like to give all your heart to someone and how amazing it feels to be in love, only to have your heart ripped out and crushed.

Did I walk away a stronger person because of this? I’m not sure that I am a stronger person for it, but I am definitely a more reserved person and I have learned that being on your own,
is ok.

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