Pressures

I have been under a lot of pressure lately. To make a decision about my marriage.

Do I stay or go?

No one works well under pressure.

Recently, the sportsman bought me a new ring.
I think in hopes that we can get back together.

Just so you know, no gift would ever sway my decision one way or another.

I know there are some of you that want to see me get divorced, and then there are some of you that want to see me work things out with the sportsman.

I have not discussed any of this with my mother, my dad, my brothers, or my kids.

I have discussed it with my sister (which is rare) and with a couple of close friends.

I know ultimately the decision is mine.   I had spoke recently with the sportsman about us separating.

Which my sister felt was mean/wrong of me to expect the sportsman to move out and yet still pay for things at our house.

So he has not moved out, just to another room.  Until we make a decision on where to go from here.

So our lives are in l i m b o.

Also, just so you know, I have not been out at the bars or out running around. 

I don’t consider being separated a “free pass”, to fuck around, cause honestly I have already been out there. 

The reason I strayed is cause of the problems in our marriage. They have made me feel like I had no other choice than to look else where for what I needed. I know, not an excuse.

Right or wrong. Don’t judge me.

So this separation is a time for me to figure out, do I want to end a 10 year marriage, or am I willing to do what it takes to try and make it work.

I don’t know. Its complicated. You just don’t know.

What I need to know, is there a time frame I am under to make a decision? There are lots of things to consider here. 
 I am not one to make rash decisions.

I feel bad leaving him hanging, wondering what our fate will be.

At the same time, I don’t want to rush into making a bad choice about something so very important.