LIFE as you know it to be

REAL LIFE

So I had made a decision (based off a friends way of life.  You know who you are. Thanks man!) that I was gonna take a “break”.

What does that really freakin mean?  Anyone ? Wanna take a fucking guess? Does it mean to just drop everything and everyone for my own personal need?HmmmmmJust saying it out loud was a relief to some degree.
A break from my family? A break from the sportsman? A break from FB? A break from my blog? A break from my job? A break from friends?

Why did I really need this break?

If I take a break where the hell would I even go? What would my family think? What would my mother think? Would this be like running away from my problems? Cause how else do people deal with their problems? Stay and be miserable? Pretend nothing is wrong?


Well I am not like that. I share what my true feelings are and it gets me into t r o u b l e.


I don’t know about any of you but my I have a different kind of relationship with my mother. I love my mother to death, but I have allowed her over time into my life. AKA, what that means is she gives me advice all day long. I talk to her like a million times a day, she emails me all day, we text each other every evening. We go walking together most evenings. Did I mention she lives two blocks from my house?


One of my biggest problems is that I allow my mothers opinions to influence my decisions on things. When sometimes, well hell most times I want to do something else. I just don’t want to disappoint her.


That can't be normal. I am 41 years old. I should be able to do whatever I want right?


So I started simple with this b r e a k. Its like trimming the fat.


I decided that I would stay off FB. Then I thought that I would stop texting people. (this really has monoplolized a lot of my time- not a good thing)Then I thought maybe I needed to stop writing/bloggin for awhile.


All of it sounded fine and dandy. I was in control no? What I found out was “it” the break, really wasn’t all that easy.


The more I thought about it, I decided that my blog is the one true place where I can share my honest feelings and my thoughts. It’s the one place that is solely mine. To get my thoughts out of my head and be f r e e! So I should get it all out here. I should spill the beans.


So I was driving into work this morning and I had an overwhelming feeling to just keep driving. Where ever I ended up so be it. Haven't you ever had that feeling? To want to keep driving to where EVER? Knowing you don’t have to answer to anyone.


I cried almost the whole freakin drive in. Trying to make a decsion on what I wanted to do and/or what I should do.

Then the responsible part of me took over. I went on into work. Cause that is who I am . Responsible. Or that is who I have become.


And then I sat there thinking some more about what I should do. Why the hell did I feel the need to run?
Far Far Away.


Did I mention that as of late I havent really eaten much? I am one of “those” kinda ppl. I don’t eat much when I’m sad/unhappy/stressed.
I have lost 8lbs so far. Initially I was trying to lose some weight and then things just got complicated.  I havent been sleeping well. Blah Blah Blah
That’s a good word for my life right now.

C O M P L I C A T E D!

So I called a good friend of mine and asked if I could crash at his place for a bit. Just long enough to regroup. To get my head about me, on what the next step should be. Some place to think clearly. He of course, the great friend that he is said yes.


Surprisingly enough that alone was a great load off my mind. I had a place.

A place I could go without anyone lecuring me and giving me their opnions/adivce.
It was the first step in me figuring things out.
So that is the plan for now.

I will go.

Away. So for a few days someone else will have to take care of all the house things, the dog things, the teenager things.

This time it won’t be me.

My life has taken a toll on me. I know boo hoo , whose freakin hasn’t. I know that I am not the only person out there with “complications” in their life.

I honestly believe though that you just can’t keep on keeping on without making a change.

My goal is to be happy. Where ever that takes me. One day at a time.

With the least amount of complications.

So I will keep you posted.